I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it hurts more in the daytime
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
