After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
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That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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