Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
