2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
