we're blogging at a bar
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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