He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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