i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
