you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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