At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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