Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My liver is preforming stress tests.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
