Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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