woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
