i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
