Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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