I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
