he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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