my phone needs a breathalizer
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize