if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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