I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I enjoy the company of your penis
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
