she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
