WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
