Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
