idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
