Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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