NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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