dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
