whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think a kid would responsible me up
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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