Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
