You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
