So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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