Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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