So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
