Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
