im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
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I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
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in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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