The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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