In America we eat man semen.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
