At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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