I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dick very happy bro
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
