I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
