Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize