after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
