I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
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Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
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In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.