somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased