dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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