Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize