Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
