Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
