I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
