can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
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Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
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When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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