Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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