there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Acid is not a monday night drug
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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