HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
