Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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