READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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