who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
