Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
