I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
