I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
