i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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