My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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