Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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