Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
