This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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