I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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