the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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