I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
