She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
