im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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