Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
