You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
