ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
