im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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