I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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