i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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