so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
