"it" just moved
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
