I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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