watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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