it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
