I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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