This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
