If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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